国外也有段子手：本是同根生，要输一起输

大家好，《国外也有段子手》栏目终于更新了！本期我们的看点主要集中在几场英超焦点战役上，让我们看看国外懂球帝们的精（feng）彩（kuang）评（tu）论（cao）吧。

曼城 4-0 利物浦

HABSolutelyCrAzY（沃特福德球迷）：恭喜曼城，贺喜曼城，现在他们是和沃特福德一档的超级强队了！(Welcome Man City to the elusive club. You have now reached the level of Watford!)

LeStiqsue（利物浦球迷）：曼城进了四个，你们才进了仨，所以他们还是比你们强一点儿。(TBF they scored four. So they're at least slightly better than you lot.)

HABSolutelyCrAzY（沃特福德球迷）：所以说他们排名比我们高点儿。(That explains why they are slightly higher on the table.)

TheeTeo（阿森纳球迷）：范戴克领衔的后防漏了四个，我们路易斯指挥的防线才丢了三个，孰强孰弱，不言自明。(They lost 4-0 with Djik and we lost 3-0 with (and without) Luiz, The evidence talks for itself.)

yehakhrot（利物浦球迷）：我听说曼城正在物色顶级中卫，我推荐大卫-路易斯。(Ive heard city are looking for a great cb. Maybe Luiz can help.)

D1794（利物浦球迷）：从冠军到保级——红军利物浦的传奇旅程。(from Prem League to Relegation: a Liverpool story.)

luke_205（利物浦球迷）：克洛普下课！(Klopp out tbh)

戈麦斯禁区内犯规，德布劳内点球命中

bec_SPK（纽约城球迷）：戈麦斯肯定在检查斯特林是否得了睾丸癌，手探得那么低。(Pretty sure Gomez was just checking sterling for testicular cancer. Hand was that far deep.)

BignAngry（阿森纳球迷）：戈麦斯只是想拥抱斯特林一下以表歉意。(Gomez just wanted to apologise to Sterling with a hug.)

Nyushi（利物浦球迷）：有拥抱道歉的，没听说握蛋道歉的。（Nothing says I'm sorry like hugging someone's balls.）

斯特林打进曼城第二球

DocaHyper（利物浦球迷）：斯特林在戈麦斯给自己的球开了光后直接变身超级赛亚人了。(He has gone super saiyan after Gomez touched his balls.)

pimpboss（阿森纳球迷）：戈麦斯能给我也开下光么？(Can Gomez grab my balls too?）

AriKaCheck（切尔西球迷）：我们是特么怎么赢的曼城？(How the fuck did we beat City?)

DeffDeala（曼城球迷）：足球就是这么神奇，你们赢了我们，然后又输给了西汉姆联。(Football is a marvellous game isnt it, you beat us then lose to west ham.)

Csmith50701（未知主队球迷）：其实场面是五五开的，但曼城决定不在门前兜圈子。(This has actually been a pretty even game, City just deciding not to fuck around in front of goal....)

谢菲尔德联 3-1 热刺

SinisterZzz（切尔西球迷）：本是同根生，要输一起输。(london solidarity nice.)

thedeatheater1410（曼城球迷）：“当我刚来到热刺时，你知道有这支球队里有几名踢过欧冠决赛的球员么？”记者：“全都踢过。”“respect, respect, respect.”

("When I arrived in Tottenham, do you know how many players played final of Champions League?"

Reporter: All of them.

Mou: Respekt Respekt Respekt.)

Lavassin（阿森纳球迷）：为什么戴尔就杵那儿瞅着不动？(Why was Dier just standing there watching?)

nashaudax（未知主队球迷）：有必要动么，他那儿视野多棒。(Why not, he had a great view.)

Adziboy（南安普顿球迷）：如果你抓着一名球员的胳膊去碰球，算这名球员手球么？(If you grabbed a players arm and made him touch the ball, is that a hand ball against the opposing player?)

obi-wan-kenobi-nil（伯明翰球迷）：从今天的事儿来看，算。(By the precedent of this incident, yes.)

Cool_Sandwich1（热刺球迷）：简直开玩笑。卢卡斯在那种情况下应该怎么做？让头先着地？(What a joke. What the hell was Lucas supposed to do? Go down head first?)

RainbowDissent（热刺球迷）：如果他是一名合格的团队球员的话，他应该在赛前先手术切除手臂。(If he was really a team player he'd have gotten his arms surgically removed before the game. )

Cool_Sandwich1（热刺球迷）：现在的球员都不会像以前那样为了球队牺牲自己了，他应该像一名真正的球员一样摔断自己的鼻子。(Players these days just dont sacrifice themselves like the old times. Should've broken his nose like a real player.)

穆里尼奥打断怀尔德赛后采访并恭喜对手

juventus99514（尤文图斯球迷）：怀尔德一开始看上去怕怕的。(Wilder looked a bit scared at first lmao.)

send_leather_pattern（未知主队球迷）：他大概在想：难道我们不应该保持社交距离么？当着镜头我应该怎么做才合适？(He's probably thinking aren't we suppose to be social distancing and how do I respond on camera.)

西汉姆联 3-2 切尔西

AriKaCheck（切尔西球迷）：角球对切尔西来说就是点球。(Corners are penalty's against Chelsea.)

Darkbyte（切尔西球迷）：当鲁迪格把一个原本是界外球的球解围成角球时，我就知道丢球算是稳了。(As soon as Rudiger accidentally kicked it out for a corner instead of a throw in I knew it was set.)

MasonMountMe（切尔西球迷）：我的卧室都是圆形的，因为我太害怕墙角了（Corner：角球，也有墙角的意思），有墙角我睡不着。(My bedroom is a circle because corners make me too scared to sleep.)

KimmyBoiUn（朝鲜球迷）：莫耶斯终于给曼联带来了好消息。(David Moyes finally gets Man United a good result.)

LuciferSeventeen（曼联球迷）：还是在我们最需要的时候，致敬传奇！(And at a time when we really needed it.. Legend!)

hennny（曼联球迷）：他现在还拿着咱们的工资呢么？(Is his contract still running with us?)

rmczerz（西汉姆联球迷）：我必须得感谢苏联解体，让我们得到了亚尔莫连科这个好哥们。(I would like to thank the Soviet Union for disbanding and making this all possible.)

stiggy92（切尔西球迷）：我真的挺喜欢欧联杯的。(always liked europa league tbh.)

Djent_Reznor1（切尔西球迷）：迫不及待地要在一个寒冷的雨夜去一个我拼不上名字或是发不对音的城市观看比赛了。(Can't wait to do it on a cold rainy night in some city I can't spell or pronounce.)

Krillin113（切尔西球迷）：齐耶赫和维尔纳点了举报。(Ziyech and Werner already upset.)

pul1s（西汉姆联球迷）：我爱你斯拉夫罗本（指亚尔莫连科），你这个迷人的穷人版内切狂魔。(I LOVE YOU SLAV ROBBEN, YOU BEAUTIFUL DISCOUNT CUT INSIDE MAN.)

Porta_14（曼联球迷）：应该是切尔诺贝利罗本。(Chernobyl Robben)

传巴萨和尤文正在酝酿一宗涉及格列兹曼、道格拉斯-科斯塔和拉比奥的转会交易。

red_right_hand（曼联球迷）：听起来简直是扯淡，不过最近净幺蛾子了，不好说。(Normally your first instinct would be to assume that this is total BS but who knows these days.)

shitpumper（未知主队球迷）：有报道说他们正在打算用梅西交换贝尔纳代斯基。(They're also negotiating the swap of Messi plus cash for Bernardeschi, reportedly.)

critians1（未知主队球迷）：巴萨和尤文最近成好基友了么？(are barca and juve best friends or what?)

bulgariamexicali（皇家奥维多球迷）：嗯，合伙做账。(They are partners in creative accounting, yes.)

本期的栏目就到此为止了，望各位有个愉快的周末！