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国外也有段子手:行车不规范,球迷两行泪!

西江月-song 2019-02-11 21:27:02

小伙伴们大家好,欢迎来到本期的“国外也有段子手”!上周的国际赛场精彩看点层出不穷,曼城6球大胜切尔西,巴萨与皇马在国王杯半决赛首回合战平,曼联、阿森纳、利物浦等球队纷纷顺利取胜。好了,话不多说,让我们快来看看歪果仁们精彩的犀利吐槽吧!

阿圭罗戴帽,曼城6-0切尔西

steide56(利物浦球迷):我还以为比赛要晚开始半小时呢,结果直接错过上半场了,看来切尔西也是记错开球时间了吧!(I missed the first half hour because I thought the game would start  half an hour later... appearently so did Chelsea.)

Peacock10(利物浦球迷):让你们曼城不再夺冠,确实是一种奢求。(Now I believe no one can get in city’s way to trophy.)

PakiIronman(狼队球迷):切尔西球员在场上睡得好香,就连冬眠的熊都对他们羡慕不已呢!(hibernating bears will be envious at how Chelsea fell asleep there.)

emre23(利物浦球迷):埃弗顿是怎么做到对阵曼城超过5分钟还能不丢球的?(How is it that Everton can be capable of holding City out for more than 5 mins?)

CaptainSkull22(切尔西球迷):要是我们退赛,是不是就能判0-3输了…(if we forfeit we lose 3-0 automatically right?)

DatGuyGandhi(阿森纳球迷):我要是在玩FIFA的时候被虐成这样,那早就直接退出了,还是0-3更好受点…(This is the kinda game on FIFA where you'd straight up quit so you only lose 3-0 instead.)

V0LKEIR(阿森纳球迷):怎么11个切尔西球员踢得都跟穆斯塔菲一样?(all 11 chelsea players look like mustafi.)

HKAGooner(英格兰球迷):要真踢出穆斯塔菲的水平,比分也就输0-3…(Erm with Mustafi we only conceded three thank you very much.)

AlphaShotZ(切尔西球迷):还好阿隆索并不负责伦敦城的地铁运营,不然每天我们就有上千人因为(列车与站台之间的)空档太大而丧命了!(Good thing Alonso isn't in charge of London Underground or we'd have thousands of 'Please mind the gap' related deaths.)

(注:以伦敦城地铁为背景的经典广告“Mind the gap”,强烈推荐一看哦!)

3359N(未知主队球迷):几天后的联赛杯决赛,萨里是不是又要用和今天一样的战术和首发阵容来踢了?(Sarri is going to set up exactly the same way with basically the same 11 in the cup final isn't he?)

ModricTHFC(爱尔兰球迷):其实切尔西是在为周四更为关键的欧战赛场留力呀!(Chelsea were saving themselves for their big European game on Thursday.)

michelangelo88(未知主队球迷):在炮hub上能找到这场比赛的集锦吗?(Are the game highlights up on PornHub yet?)

jr9810(切尔西球迷):原来这就是当阿森纳球迷的感觉…(So this is what it feels like to be an Arsenal fan.)

FamousKrishtian(切尔西球迷):自从切尔西上次客场进球之后,曼城全队已经进了43个球了…(Apparently City have scored 43 goals since Chelsea last scored an away goal.)

Netsky95(阿森纳球迷):若日尼奥这表现配得上名字里的“尼奥”二字吗?(Jorginho doesn't deserve to have "inho" in his name.)

UltimateG94(利物浦球迷):伊瓜因好像正在谷歌搜“租借球员该如何退货”呢!(Higuain is going to be frantically googling "How to cancel loan deal" after the game.)

Wakingdemons(热刺球迷):有位印度车迷不远万里来到曼城斯特,结果花了大钱看自己主队被虐了个0-6…(Imagine paying money and having to travel from India to Manchester to watch your team lose 6-0.)

Larry_Bobarry(切尔西球迷):不要,萨里先生,今天我不想扮演巴西!(No Mr. Sarri, I don't feel like pretending to be Brazil today.)

TheSkyIsMyCeiling(博卡球迷):演巴西你起码也得进个球啊!(You have to score tho.)

Darth-Sand(切尔西球迷):好吧,是谁把游戏模式突然调成巨星级了?(Alright, which one of you accidentally put the difficulty on World Class?)

Minhbo89(曼联球迷):我还没看完曼城第二球新闻的评论呢,结果一看比分又成了4-0了…(I havent finished reading the comments on the 2nd goal post when you score the 4th.)

马内萨拉赫进球,利物浦3-0伯恩茅斯

Nidriks(伯恩茅斯球迷):当对方的中后卫都来参与反击的时候,你就知道自己到底踢得有多烂了…(You know you're having a bad day when the opposition's CB is on for the counter-attack.)

Sagittarius__A(切尔西球迷):那我们是有多烂,伯恩茅斯都虐了我们4个球…(We are so shit that bournemouth beat us 4-0.)

伊沃比拉卡进球,阿森纳2-1哈镇

WanChurlish(阿森纳球迷):我觉得拉卡泽特要比吉鲁更帅啊,告诉我不是一个人!(Anyone else think Laca might be better looking than Giroud?)

airus92(法国球迷):维尔贝克才是真男神好吧,看他一眼我就想要打飞机了…(Welbeck is better looking than both. Wanna a wank just looking at him.)

Ericdryer(阿森纳球迷):看来哈镇不能射的毛病,终究是不如我厂不能零封的毛病严重啊!(Not even Huddersfield's inability to score is stronger than our inability to keep an away clean sheet.)

Windowhihi(未知主队球迷):哈镇进个球实在太难了,你厂球员都忍不住去帮人家了!(When Huddersfield cannot score a goal, Arsenal scores for them.)

MindingmyownMedals(伯恩茅斯球迷):科拉希纳茨凭借这个乌龙,成功跻身哈镇本赛季最佳射手之列!(kolasinac is one of the top goalscorers this season for Huddersfield with that one.)

Narretz(德国球迷):阿森纳这后防还有没有条理,简直就是一片混沌!(Can somebody in Arsenal's defense please step up? It's pure chaos.)

Tennyson(哈镇球迷):混乱是一把阶梯。(Chaos is a ladder.)

(注:此句出自美剧《权力的游戏》)

博格巴进球,曼联3-0富勒姆

Envague(曼联球迷):博格巴罚点球前就走了10步小碎步,看来索尔斯克亚对波霸的改造还在继续!(Only 10 steps on the run up, Ole's transformation of Pogba continues.)

Preciouslarvabanjo(未知主队球迷):利物浦花了7500万买范戴克,而曼联只需要告诉斯莫林去留个范戴克发型,这样不就免费得到范戴克啦!(Liverpool spent 75m on Van Dijk. Manchester United just told Smalling to grow his hair and made their own free Van Dijk.)

PaintedSe7en(曼联球迷):把这红魔注射到我的血管里!(Inject this United straight into my veins please.)

Cloudprince(曼联球迷):那我可以吸一口你的血吗?(Once you OD let me drink your blood.)

ApolloX-2(曼联球迷):曼城帮我们击败了切尔西,那我们就去帮他们击败利物浦吧!(City beats Chelsea and we will beat Liverpool for them.)

lamancha(曼联球迷):曼彻斯特从来没有如此联合过!(Manchester has never been more United.)

激情德比,皇马3-1马竞

Simomii9(摩洛哥球迷):拉莫斯的头球是不是给马竞球员带来创伤综合征了?5个人都去防拉莫斯了,结果放卡塞米罗轻松去射门…(I love how a Ramos headers triggers PTSD in Atleti players that 5 players surround him and they left Casemiro to score.)

Rexxigg(巴萨球迷):看到马竞竟然也能被对手用定位球得分,感觉有点怪怪的…(Something about seeing Atletico conceding from set-pieces is so weird.)

HEELinKayfabe(皇马球迷):二月来了,皇马终于意识到自己还有个欧冠奖杯要去争取了!(It's February, Real Madrid have awoken and they have a Champions League to win.)

l33tnoscopes(印度球迷):只让贝尔踢30分钟球,真的是天才的决定啊,这样贝尔就不会老是受伤啦!(Playing Bale 30 mins a game could be a genius move, can make an impact and not jeopardise his fitness.)

Yorkeworshipper(西班牙球迷):想象一支锋线曾经是阿圭罗、弗兰和法尔考的球队,如今却只能让莫拉塔上前线…(Imagine having Falcao, Aguero and Forlan in recent years and ending up with Morata.)

SeniorOwl(皇马球迷):不得不说,莫拉塔今天依然是皇马表现最为优秀的球员,为他感到高兴!(Morata was our best player today, so happy for him.)

JurijFedorov(巴萨球迷):我是皇马和马竞的双料粉,所以我才希望他们今天能踢平!(I like both teams. Which is why I want them both to get a point today.)

AlphaStryk3r(曼联球迷):作为利物浦和曼城的双料粉,我希望他俩以后能一直平局。(I like both Liverpool and city. Which is why I want them both to get a point forever.)

互交白卷,巴萨0-0毕尔巴鄂

Thugging_inPublic(巴萨球迷):好在今天还有曼城的比赛能让我乐呵一下…(Well at least the City game was able to entertain us today.)

JoelKr9(巴萨球迷):我们的进攻就是灾难,毫无系统和深度,只知道给传球给梅西然后再祈祷进球…(Our offense is a total disaster. No system, no width, just giving Messi the ball and then praying.)

Cafris(马竞球迷):惊!巴萨两轮丢4分,而领先我们的分差竟然还增大了…(Amazing. Barca drops 4 points in two games and we still lose ground to them...)

巴斯克斯马尔科姆进球,巴萨1-1皇马

DaLilGorilla(皇马球迷):绝代双骄正式进入了马尔科姆和巴斯克斯的时代!(We really are in the Malcom and Vazquez era.)

v_TRIGGERED (未知主队球迷):本赛季国家德比进球:C罗0球,梅西0球,巴斯克斯1球,所以巴斯克斯才是史上最佳!(Goals in El Clasico this season Ronaldo: 0 Messi: 0 Lord Vasquez: 1. Vasquez = goat.)

ErnestJones(皇马球迷):皇马这客场进球有点少啊,毕竟回到伯纳乌可就不知道输几个了…(it’s awkward we didn’t make enough goals as we will face a slaughter in Bernabeu)

Xncopka(未知主队球迷):有意思的是,两队场上身价最高的球员都是表现最差的球员…(It's funny that the most expensive player of each team are the worst of their team…)

Youngchul(皇马球迷们):贝尔是在和卢卡库比赛谁的一脚触球更差吗?(Is Bale trying to outdo Lukaku on worst first touch…)

好了,亲爱的小伙伴们,本期的“国外也有段子手”就为大家播报到这了。本周,精彩的欧冠赛事即将重燃战火,让我们拭目以待,来看下期歪果仁们更加精彩的犀利吐槽吧!

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非常抱歉!