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国外也有段子手:领头羊刹车,你追尾了么?

西江月-song 2019-02-05 21:31:37

小伙伴们过年好!欢迎来到本期的“国外也有段子手”。上周的欧洲赛场精彩看点层出不穷,曼城赢下了和阿森纳的焦点之战,曼联、切尔西、皇马等纷纷取胜,而利物浦和巴萨则收获平局。国王杯赛场,巴萨与皇马将在半决赛相遇。好了,话不多说,让我们快来看看歪果仁们的精彩吐槽吧!

阿圭罗带帽,曼城3-1阿森纳

frankoo123(切尔西球迷):哈哈,阿圭罗这射得比我第一次上床还快!(Aguero’s goal was faster than my first time in bed lmaooo.)

GriezyE(未知主队球迷):开始了吗?已经结束了!(I didn’t even start paying attention yet lmao.)

whitebutter(阿森纳球迷):如果我们假装比赛已经结束了,曼城会不会就不虐我们了?(If we pretend play has stopped maybe they’ll fall for it and stop too.)

Sawyerbk(阿森纳球迷):看我厂比赛就像是被强X,与其苦苦挣扎被狂虐,不如坦然接受,说不定还能感受到高潮的快感。(It’s just like being fucked,  you resist it you’ll be abused, or you accept it you could even feel the orgasm.)

Alexi16(曼城球迷):我们解决左后卫问题的妙招,就是不上左后卫了…(How to fix your left back problem, don’t play one.)

Howizzle90(阿森纳球迷):难道我们也在右后卫上这么整了?(We did employ that tactic tonight with our right back....)

ben_would_burn(利物浦球迷):阿森纳面对前6名球队的战绩一直很稳定。(Arsenal has the most consistent away form against top 6. Consistent.)

CheckIn123(拜仁球迷):那是因为最稳定的已经遇不着了…(When the most consistent is not available.)


马内进球,利物浦1-1西汉姆联

jordanhhh4(富勒姆球迷):就算你让利物浦和热刺参加只有他们俩的联赛,那最后他俩还是都得不了冠军!(You could put Tottenham and Liverpool in a league with just the two of them and they'd somehow manage to second both.)

Apetoast(利物浦球迷):边裁弄坏了第一个旗子后就生怕再弄坏第二个,现在什么判罚都不敢做了!(After the linesman broke his previous flag, he's now too afraid to use his new one to judge.)

拉什福德进球,曼联1-0莱斯特城

mikey_croatia(曼联球迷):与其像阿森纳那样站着死,还是这样跪着赢的感觉更好…(I'll take an ugly win over a beautiful loss like Arsenal.)

TaxBillsPayments(阿森纳球迷):瞎bb什么呢,我厂明明是跪着死好不好!(You asshole now arsenal just do ugly losses.)

Yungcheestring(未知主队球迷):好可怕啊,明年的曼联不就能争联赛冠军了?(Scares me to think United could be title contenders again next season :(

Impim(曼联球迷):其实我们每年对明年都是这么想的…(Actually every year we believe that for the next year.)

redwan010(曼联球迷):卢卡库是一名经验丰富的球员,在比赛第1分钟就像是已经在踢加时赛一样了!(Lukaku is an experienced player as he is playing the 1st minute just like he has been running for the extra times.)

DarkSofter(曼联球迷):麦克-迪恩是准备给场上22名球员一人一张黄牌来庆祝自己执法英超100场么?(Is Dean setting up for his special finale giving give his 100th Premier League yellow cards to all 22 players?)

伊瓜因阿扎尔梅开,切尔西5-0哈镇

fiveht78(切尔西球迷):万万没想到,我在有生之年竟还能再看见一次切尔西前锋完成跑位、顺利停球而且还把球给弄球门里去…(I never thought I'd see a Chelsea striker make a run, receive the ball and put it into the net again in my life.)

Viggorous(切尔西球迷):伊瓜因这赛季的英超进球,已经比吉鲁还多了…(Higuain has now scored more league goals this season than Giroud.)

Hardyman13(切尔西球迷):我怀疑阿隆索在每次接球的一瞬间都要停下来思考几秒钟人生…(I feel like Alonso's default reaction when receiving the ball is to stop and reflect on life for a few seconds.)

fn_ChooseUserName(切尔西球迷):凯帕,你欠我太多的新内裤了…(Kepa owes me too many new pairs of boxers.)

LostPrinceofWakanda(切尔西球迷):惊!萨里赛后竟然在更衣室挟持球员当人质,而且还又搂又亲!(Breaking! Sarri holding players hostage in the dressing room for hugs and kisses.)

Anotherinquisition(未知主队球迷):直到现在我也不确定切尔西到底牛不牛逼,但哈镇踢得辣鸡绝对是板上钉钉的…(Still not convinced Chelsea is that good. But I'm sure that Huddersfield is that bad.)

Mad_Lancer(未知主队球迷):哈哈,伊瓜因那搂着巴克利的进球就像是“虽然我不认识你是谁但我现在真的好开心!”(lmao Higuain did the "I don't even know your name but I'm so happy right now" celebration with Barkley.)

梅西两球,巴萨2-2瓦伦西亚

KingNothing666(巴萨球迷):我堂堂西班牙4600万人口,难道就找不到一个像样的裁判吗?(46 million people in Spain, and somehow, not a single competent referee.)

AshwinKattak(巴萨球迷):如果你感到自己一无是处,毫无一技之长,不要灰心,请记住,你可以去当西甲裁判呀!(Just remember, if you completely fail in life and have no talents, please don’t be upset, you can still apply to be a la liga ref.)

Inmolatus(丹麦球迷):裁判很迷啊,既然你都不用VAR,那为什么要装上它呢…(This referee is embarrasing... why the fuck do you have VAR if you are going to not play advantage? )

Jaqobs(塞维利亚球迷):唉,前两天国王杯咋不是这个裁判来呢!(Why is not you in our match against barca?)

AlwaysSnowyInSiberia(未知主队球迷):梅西好像直到下半场才想起来自己是谁…(Messi didn’t remember he was Messi until the seco`nd half.)

rednades(未知主队球迷):我不太懂球,但我觉得裁判可以被替换下场了!(I don't know if its a thing but this ref needs to be subbed off.)

本泽马进球,皇马3-0阿拉维斯

azaaaa7(皇马球迷):如果你认为做爱很爽,那是因为你没看过本泽马的进球。(Yeah sex is cool but have you seen Benzema’s goal.)

GeorgeMahaRiskTaker(皇马球迷):巴萨平了,我皇赢了,欧耶,美好的一天!咦,怎么巴萨领头羊的分差还增加了?(Barca drew, we won. Good day indeed. Oh wait, why Barca leading gap is increasing?)

BigCrashLittleChyna(皇马球迷):有没有人告诉贝尔,比赛已经开始了,可不可以从医院出院了?(Can someone go tell Bale to get out of the hospital? The game started.)

Lolaya(哥伦尼亚球迷):卡塞米罗就像是一个对黄牌自带免疫功能的金刚芭比…(Casemiro has like a anti yellow card feature in his baby face robot body.)

逆转晋级,巴萨6-1塞维利亚

EagleOfDeathMetal(巴黎球迷):6-1的比分,咋这么眼熟呢?(6-1, where have I seen that before?)

Theenigmacode(利物浦球迷):我们错过了见证登月奇迹,但我们却有幸见证了梅西的时代!(We missed the moon landing but get to witness Messi.)

Barcaholic(巴萨球迷): 梅西能用脚给一个熟睡的老鼠刮胡子而不弄醒它…(Messi could shave a sleeping mouse by his feet without waking it.)

KronoS275(未知主队球迷):梅西就特么是个外挂!(Messi is like a fucking cheat code.)

Volitient(巴萨球迷):哈维是不是把头发染了,然后改名叫阿图尔来踢球了?(I think xavi just dyed his hair blond and changed his name to Arthur.)

JoLeTrembleur(里昂球迷):这球队是什么条件啊,我已经感到菊花隐隐作痛了…(What a level this team is displaying. I'm from Lyon and my ass hurts by advance.)

本泽马两球,皇马3-1赫罗纳

CounterfeitMemes(皇马球迷):在一个月内皇马竟然要踢3次巴萨,2次阿贾克斯和1次马竞…(In the next month Real Madrid will play Barça three times, Ajax twice and Atleti once.)

superfire444(阿贾克斯球迷):能和巴萨马竞齐名,我贾府真是受惊若宠…(Being named alongside barca and atleti is awesome :)

Nooobz(皇马球迷):老铁们,我怀疑本泽马是把欧冠上的进球给透支到国内赛场了!咱欧冠岂不是要凉了…(Guys, I’m worried because I think Benz wasted all of his secret magic CL portions and won’t have any left for the upcoming CL matches.)

好了,亲爱的小伙伴们,本期的“国外也有段子手”就为大家播报到这了,让我们拭目以待,来看下期歪果仁们更加精彩的犀利吐槽吧!

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非常抱歉!