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国外也有段子手:看球,练的就是心脏!

西江月-song 2018-11-05 19:00:01

小伙伴们大家好,欢迎来到每周的“国外也有段子手”!上周的欧洲足坛精彩看点层出不穷,阿森纳和利物浦的焦点之战最终以平局告终,皇马终结联赛五轮不胜颓势,而曼联、曼城、切尔西和巴萨等球队也纷纷赢球。好了,话不多说,让我们快来看看歪果仁们的精彩吐槽吧!

米尔纳拉卡泽特进球,阿森纳1-1利物浦

Shadowoak(未知主队球迷):这比赛才看了35分钟,吓得我阳寿都快折了5年了…我的小心脏啊!(Only 35' in already shaved off 5 years off my life. My heart!)

Mooud00(利物浦球迷):那说明你看利物浦的比赛还不够多…(It seems that you didn’t watch too many Liverpool games.)

REDxSAM(未知主队球迷):下次特朗普再想在墨西哥边境修隔离墙,那不如就直接把莱诺放在那里得了,因为他本身就是一堵墙!(Next time Trump want to keep Mexican out just drop Leno in because my man is a fucking WALL.)

Johnnyseattle(利物浦球迷):我还是更喜欢那个比较菜鸡的阿森纳…(I liked Arsenal more when they were underachieving.)

AleDelPiero10(尤文球迷):范戴克这大胸停球的技能,怕是连巅峰的格策也比不上他…(VVD has a better chest touch even than peak Goetze.)

bo-tvt(阿森纳球迷):每次我们在对方禁区前围攻10分钟都不进球的时候,就会立刻被对方反击进一个….(It's always when we play in the opponent's third for 10 minutes without scoring, we will concede from the very next attack.)

iamPause(利物浦球迷):埃梅里就像是爱情剧里边的悲催男主,明明有个很好的妹子,却总是把注意力放在工作和赚钱上,最后妹子自然就移情别恋到其他高富帅身上去了…(Emery looks like the jerk in a romantic comedy who has the girl but cares too much about his job and money and ends up losing the girl to the quirky nice guy in the end.)

EasyLif3(未知主队球迷):每次都有这么多球要去捡,阿森纳主场的场地管理员得付多少钱才能雇得起啊!(Whatever Arsenal’s groundsman is getting paid, it isn’t enough. Too many balls for them to pick up.)

REDxSAM(未知主队球迷):克洛普好像都想把自己换上场,然后去给法比尼奥一拳把他打醒!(Klopp is about to sub himself on so he can suplex Fabinho to get him off asap.)

拉什福德绝杀,曼联2-1伯恩茅斯

Jassiexgill(阿森纳球迷):这比赛算是不错的开胃菜,接下来就要去看我厂的小可爱们被利物浦的大肌霸爆锤啦!(This game is a nice appetizer before I get to see the boys get shaken down and smacked by Liverpool’s big cock later.)

Kiyomidesune(曼联球迷):解说员还说这不是曼联应有的表现,我想说的是,我都习惯曼联这样的表现了…(commentator "this is not a Manchester United performance so far". I dunno, seems pretty typical to me.)

_Ultimatum_ (未知主队球迷):拉什福德这么多射门角度,为啥每次都挑唯一一个射不进的去踢…(Rashford kicked it the one place he had to avoid.)

Elemayowe(曼联球迷):卢卡库曾说过他会亲自帮助拉什福德加练射门,也许这就是拉师傅不能射的原因吧…(Lukaku: “I give Rashford extra finishing lessons after training” It all makes sense why Rashford missed now.)

Stukya(利物浦球迷):从比赛数据上看,伯恩茅斯就像是顶级球队一样…(Those Match stats make it look like Bournemouth were massively on top.)

Mr_Lich12(曼城球迷):美国转播这比赛插播的广告竟然是宣传移民给美国带来的危害,可在美国看足球比赛最多的不正是移民么…(That American Ad for protecting America from immigrants lol, I bet most of audients for football matches are immigrants.)

Don_Kahones(阿森纳球迷):为啥每场曼联比赛球员们看起来都像是从没一起踢过球一样啊?(why do the united team look like this is the first time they have played together?)

Sureshot006(纽约红牛球迷):曼联赢球的比赛里,评论区也就没人说话了,可要是输了的话…(Empty thread because United won hahaha, not like when they lose.)

(图):博格巴的小碎步会跑多久?

Guuzmen(阿贾克斯球迷):下次拉什福德进球庆祝的时候,给他配个保镖确保他不要得牌…(Taking the guard with Rashford to cheer next time.... lol)

t44s(米德尔斯堡球迷):伯恩茅斯这防守,简直烂得就像曼联一样!(Bournemouth defending like Man Utd there...)

banzaimihai(阿森纳球迷):齐达内去曼彻斯特的航班再一次延误了!(Zidane's flight to Manchester, delayed again.)

youretheonlyjuan(伊朗球迷):马夏尔这冷静过头了吧,怕是心率也就个位数…(Martial is so chill he has a resting heart rate in single digits.)

拉莫斯点射,皇马2-0巴拉多利德

Cr7godlike(未知主队球迷):皇马球员已经开始传中了,大家都在等C罗过来顶头球呢!(Madrid player are crossing ball, hoping that Ronaldo would suddenly appear.)

Denzema123(皇马球迷):本泽马射门的时候别瞄大门了,干脆就瞄着天上踢吧,说不定这样就能进了…(Benzema could have shot that ball to the sky instead of the inside of the net, maybe it would work.)

fuckthisshit0102(西班牙球迷):拉莫斯踢右后卫的时候,巴萨对位的先是小罗后是亨利。后来踢中后卫了,结果又碰上了踢伪九号的梅西和正统九号的苏神,这搁谁不得做噩梦啊…(First Ronaldinho and then Henry when Ramos was RB, then Messi (false 9) and Suarez , damn he must have some nightmares.)

LiamGallagher10(未知主队球迷):这才刚刚换完帅,维尼修斯的出场时间就已经超过在洛佩特吉手下的出场时间总和了…(According to the stats, Vinicius is already going to play more time with the new coach than with Lopetegui.)

苏神绝杀,巴萨3-2巴列卡诺

TheMountain(皇马球迷):万万没想到,巴列卡诺也有了虐皇马5个球的水平…. (hard to believe even Vallecano seems to be able to defeat us with 5 goals.)

mikelin52(巴列卡诺球迷):其实我们的梦想是有朝一日也能赢皇马一次10-2…(To be honest we also want a 10-2 to you some day…)

elizarrj(巴萨球迷):当你有皮神锋陷阵杀敌的时候,谁还需要梅西呢?(Who needs Messi back when you’ve got in form Striker Pique.)

Bassfaceapollo(巴萨球迷):直到终场哨响我都不敢松开菊花,现在我终于理解利物浦球迷的感受了…(Didn't unclench your butt until the final whistle, now I know what those Liverpool fans meant.)

Skadrys(巴萨球迷):天呐,这是到了什么日子,我们竟然在80分钟前换了个人?(wow, sub before 80. minute, what year is it.)

2one2one2(巴萨球迷):罗贝托和苏亚雷斯的连线,仿佛看到了阿尔维斯和梅西连线的影子…(Sergi - Luis connection is on par with Alves – Messi.)

酣畅淋漓,曼城6-1南安普顿

TechnoPug(南安普顿球迷):至少我们的后卫可是得到了张免费的门票去看强队踢球!(my club’s defenders got a free ticket to see a great team at least.)

sanjeet94(切尔西球迷):要不中场就直接结束比赛吧,大家都节约点时间…(Just end the game at Halftime and save everybody's time.)

Wingardium(纽卡斯尔球迷):住手啊曼城,他们已经死了!(City, stop pls they are already dead…)

Meteorite(南安普顿球迷):乐观点看,降级的话至少就不会再踢曼城了…(On the upside, once we get relegated we won't have to play City again!)

SheWantsTwix(墨西哥球迷):曼城这也不咋样啊,这比分我和7岁的侄子踢球的时候随便就能踢出来!(City is a fraud I have scored that goal many

times against my 7 year old nephews. I knew it could even work at the my level.)

Devilscourtsman(切尔西球迷):就是,我玩FIFA生涯模式的时候也能玩出这样的结果!(Yep, this is what I have on my FIFA career mode.)

NN77(南安普顿球迷):长夜漫漫,处处险恶...(The night is dark and full of terrors.)

Computer_User_01(利物浦球迷):现在唯一的问题是,这比分输球对南安普顿来说,到底算是凭实力输球,还是尴尬的惨案…(The only question in my mind is if this is a normal defeat for Southampton or an embarrassing defeat for Southampton.)

莫拉塔佩德罗进球,切尔西3-1水晶宫

MorgratiosFT(切尔西球迷):现在我们可以说是伦敦城老大了!(We are dominating London now.)

Cr7godlike(葡萄牙球迷):我早就知道,皇马真正失去的是莫拉塔而不是C罗!(So it is Morata what Madrid is missing ,not Ronaldo ,always knew that.)

nate517(切尔西球迷):现在我们只需要再进十几个球就能追上曼城啦!(Only need 10 more to try and make up Citys.)

WakeUpKevinMiller(巴萨球迷):一支球队整场都在阳痿,而换上阿扎尔后10分钟就能射两次,赶紧把他藏起来别让皇马看见…(So a team that looks impotent all game only needs 10 minutes of Hazard to score twice? Keep that man the fuck away from Madrid please.)

(图):愿天堂也有足球...

好了,亲爱的小伙伴们,本期的“国外也有段子手”就为大家播报到这了,让我们下期不见不散!

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非常抱歉!