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国外也有段子手:穆里尼奥保卫战!

西江月-song 2018-10-01 19:00:42

小伙伴们大家好,欢迎来到每周的“国外也有段子手”!上周的欧洲赛场精彩看点层出不穷:切尔西与利物浦握手言和,曼联输给西汉姆联,而阿森纳和曼城则顺利取胜。西甲赛场,巴萨战平毕包,连续三轮不胜;而皇马则与马竞互交白卷,再次错失登顶良机。好了,话不多说,让我们快来看看歪果仁们的精彩吐槽吧!

战绩不佳,曼联1-3西汉姆联

JihadDerp(英格兰球迷):曼怜。(Moan United.)

Eff_Jay(纽卡斯尔球迷):穆离尼奥。(Mourinhout.)

ParisHL(西汉姆联球迷):我们不是刚在英联杯踢了麦克斯菲尔德吗,现在这是在踢第二轮?(Didn't we play Macclesfield the other day, or is this the second leg?)

ABloodEagle(曼联球迷):我觉得穆帅得来一个三年包退换的售后服务才行…(Mourinho should come with a three year return warranty.)

break2n(英格兰球迷):曼联还是有几个好消息的!一是这赛季利物浦和曼城至少有一支是拿不到联赛冠军的;二是曼联已经远离降级区8分之多,三是费莱尼表现很好,已经是曼联最有威胁的进攻点了!(Positives for United: At least 1 of Liverpool and City cannot win the league at a time. 8 Points clear of relegation. Fellaini looking like one of the most dangerous attacking options.)

SexyMooli(巴基斯坦球迷):还有个好消息,就是这周不用支付桑切斯那8.5万镑的赢球奖金,简直赚翻了!(Another positive. Don't have to pay Alexis an additional £85,000 bonus this week. Quite a bargain.)

ErydayMansOnTheBlock(未知主队球迷):桑切斯没伤没病,也跟着球队去客场了,但却连大名单都没进去。他这加盟曼联9个月来到底得到什么了…(Alexis didn't even make the squad. No injury, travelled with the team, but didn't make it. What a nine months he has had...)

Ericdrye(阿森纳球迷):得到了大概1500万的钞票吧!(150 million cash I think.)

JavBG17(阿森纳球迷):如果费莱尼已经在场上了,那你在第90分钟落后的时候还能换上谁去争顶头球呢?(If Fellaini is already on the pitch, who are man u going to bring on for that 90th minute header?)

MurrayBookchinIsBae(曼联球迷):今夜我们要成为段子之王了…(Tonight we king on memes.)

UnpopularViewsBot(未知主队球迷):你要么作为特殊的一个死去,要么苟活到目睹自己成为了失败专家。(You either die a special one, or you live long enough to see yourself become the specialist in failure.)

(注:此句原出自《蝙蝠侠:黑暗骑士》,“特殊的一个”和“失败专家”均是穆帅经典语录之一。)

AdenintheGlaven(布莱顿球迷):好羡慕佩莱格里尼65岁还有一头秀发啊!(I am envious at Pellegrini's head of hair at 65.)

Estova(阿森纳球迷):好了鲁尼我知道是你,请不要再用小号了!(Well Rooney I know it’s you, use your own account pls.)

Kveien(曼联球迷):西汉姆联真是没出息,赢一支小球队就能高兴成这样了!(Can't believe these west ham fans are celebrating after beating a small team, shame on them.)

Eff_Jay(纽卡斯尔球迷):很为西汉姆联感到欣慰,想要保级就得在曼联这样的中游球队身上拿分才行啊!(it's nice to see West Ham leading, they really need to pick up points against mid-table opposition like Man United if they want to remain in PL this season.)

Fedward(利物浦球迷):为啥有人会说曼联的比赛无聊啊,难道这赛季还有比看他们比赛更好笑的事吗?(I don’t know why people say Man Utd are not entertaining to watch, been enjoying most of their matches this season.)

Primary_Platform(未知主队球迷):曼联现在已经比2013年莫耶斯同期的积分还要低了…(United are now on less points at this stage of the season than they were in 2013 when Moyes was in charge.)

焦点之战,切尔西1-1利物浦

bluenokia2(切尔西球迷):啊~阿扎尔,这速度,这进球,这屁股,我真是欲罢不能了…(Omg Hazard, that speed, that goal, that arse, can’t hold myself now…)

AmnesiaFX(利物浦球迷):作为比利时的利物浦球迷,天知道我是有多纠结…(As a Belgian Liverpool fan I don't know how I feel about this...)

HankMoodyMaddafakaaa(曼联球迷):看得我脑子都不好使了,这难道就是神仙打架么…(My mind is blown. What am i watching? Aliens fighting?)

Smrifire(切尔西球迷):不要让这场比赛让你忘了曼联1-3输给了西汉姆联啊!(Don't let this match distract you from the fact that United lost 3-1 to West ham.)

Codespyder(曼城球迷):踢得真好看,你们俩能不能每周都踢比赛啊?(You two can play each other every week as far as I'm concerned. What an excellent games.)

Red_Baron22(利物浦球迷):每次阿扎尔拿球的时候,吓得我菊花都要紧100倍…(My butt is clenching intensifies 100x every time Hazard gets the ball.)

Cynicalreason(利物浦球迷):曼城、利物浦和切尔西都在秀骚操作,热刺和阿森纳也还O几把K,只有他们的另一个表兄弟跟不上趟了…(City, Liverpool & Chelsea making a show, Spurs & Arsenal are damn thereabouts .. and then there’s the retarded cousin...)

BasicallyNeymar(苏格兰球迷):你是说埃弗顿?(Everton?)

Vivlam(切尔西球迷):曼城19分,利物浦19分,切尔西17分,北伦敦俩冤家各15分,今年Top5已经成型了!(City 19, Pool 19 and Chelsea 17, North London Bottlers 15 each. Top 5 shaping up.)

dead_siaf(瑞士球迷):不是top6吗?就这么瞧不起沃特福德吗?(It’s top 6, you forgot fucking Watford.)

Raymondliang(切尔西球迷):欢迎萨拉赫回到斯坦福桥,现在请你也恢复以前在这里的状态吧!(Welcome back to Chelsea, Salah. Back on form with us.)

sunman6(利物浦球迷):切尔西对利物浦,就像上赛季利物浦对曼城一样了…(Is Chelsea going to be for Liverpool what Liverpool was for Manchester City last season.)

联赛三轮不胜,巴萨1-1毕尔巴鄂竞技

Arsenictue(皇马球迷):在皇马的比赛没踢完之前,我还是别在巴萨评论区说话了…(I prefer not to speak here till our match is done too.)

Harkoncito(皇马球迷):你们怎么能把冠军的压力推给我们呢?那我们肯定也是平局啊!(How dare you put this kind of pressure on us, we are also a draw absolutely!)

jon_stewrt(未知主队球迷):梅西是巴萨唯一能找到幸运女神的人,然后再把女神翻个身,打她的屁屁...(Messi is the only player who could find lady luck, turn her around and give her a spanking.)

cvaldo99(巴萨球迷):要是哪天梅西不在了,真不知道会发生什么…(One day Messi won’t be here. Idk what will happen then.)

cha54mi(未知主队球迷):如果拉基蒂奇是为毕包踢球的话,那肯定就是场上最佳!你看他所有的球都传给毕包球员了!(If rakitic was playing with a bilbao shirt he would be their motm . Literally his passes all were to athletic players.)

yarikhh(未知主队球迷):胡说什么呢?明明皮克才是毕包的最佳球员!(You fool, it must be Pique to win MOTM for bilbao)

K503(赫罗纳球迷):我有点担心苏牙会不会伤到门将了,这么多射门就直接踢人家身上…(I'm worried about goalkeepers being injured by Suarez. So many have been hit by Suarez shots.)

HomelessGunner(巴西球迷):是啊,就算你站着不动,苏牙也会主动射你身上的…(Yeah, he will directly shoot the ball to you even you stand still.)

frogieboie1(皇马球迷):别担心,我们永远陪着你~(Don’t worry. we are right there with ya ;)

Kold_Blooded_Killer(曼联球迷):看来我们不是唯一想要自杀的球迷了…(Well at least we aren't the only suicidal fans here.)

互交白卷,皇马0-0马竞

Xthecreator(皇马球迷):别泄气啊,我们假装皇马和巴萨都赢了不就得了!(Never mind, let’s just pretend we and Barcelona both won the match.)

Hamozus(皇马球迷):今天下午我对巴萨的战术进行了细致的分析,现在我已经想到新点子了,咱也得在下半场让梅西出场才行!(I have carefully analyzed Barca's game this afternoon looking for fresh tactical ideas and I think that we need to sub in Messi at halftime.)

Mpkotabelud(皇马球迷):也就是说,上次我们在联赛主场击败马竞的时候,教练还是穆里尼奥?(So, the last time that Real beat Atletico at home in La Liga was in Jose Mourinho period?)

Raphael1987(皇马球迷):我开始怀念C罗的任意球了,起码不像现在这样谁都想去XJBT一脚…(I miss Ronaldo free kicks. At least there was no bullshit like this where everyone takes a try)

Harkoncito(皇马球迷):我们的战术就是先随便传球100次,然后传给卡瓦哈尔让他去传中…(Our tactics is basically pass the ball 100 times, give it to Carvajal and cross it.)

Commandophile(皇马球迷):现在皇马球员好像还都在给C罗传球,但是C罗到底在哪儿就不得而知了…(It seems that every just tried to pass to Ronaldo but no one knew where he was.)

阿圭罗斯特林进球,曼城2-0布莱顿

Ironman122(布莱顿球迷):输给曼城…那能叫输么?又不是每轮都能踢曼联!(It’s okay to lose to city as we can’t play against united every week.)

Do_not_tempt_me(阿森纳球迷):感觉斯特林就会进两种球,一种是接横传推射空门,一种就是直接进世界波…(I feel like sterling scores two types of goals. These tap in that are slid across from the other side. The second type are bangers.)

njf88(曼城球迷):哪天斯特林能进单刀了,我就把他的名字纹在丁丁上!(I will have his name tattooed on my dick when he can score a 1v1.)

(图):约旦难民营中的一处足球场

厄齐尔进球,阿森纳2-0沃特福德

JJFresh814(阿森纳球迷):我厂这赢球次数多了,段子还真就不好编了…(We are short of memes if we win too many times…)

Nachoiscool(阿森纳球迷):今年我们能赢得争四联赛的冠军了吧!(We’re winning the 4th place trophy this year.)

Nyhrox(曼联球迷):阿森纳是不是不知道比赛前80分钟也是允许进球的?(Does Arsenal know they don't have to wait 80 mins to score goals?)

GetYourDijkOut(利物浦球迷):永远都不理解阿森纳踢弱队的这种打法,前70分钟就像便秘一样,而最后时刻又瞬间09年巴萨附体了…(Never understand Arsenal against lower teams, cannot give a shit for 70 mins, score a goal then turn into 09 Barcelona to end a match.)

好了,亲爱的小伙伴们,本期的“国外也有段子手”就为大家播报到这了,让我们拭目以待,来看下期歪果仁们更精彩的犀利吐槽吧!

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非常抱歉!