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国外也有段子手:风里雨里,机场等你!

西江月-song 2018-07-07 19:00:13

小伙伴们大家好,欢迎来到本期的“国外也有段子手”!昨夜的世界杯赛场精彩看点层出不穷,法国队凭借瓦拉内和格子的进球淘汰乌拉圭,比利时则依靠费尔南迪尼奥的乌龙和丁丁的远射迈过了巴西这道坎。好了,话不多说,让我们快来看看歪果仁们的精彩吐槽吧!

格子瓦拉内进球,法国2-0乌拉圭

HiroLegito(阿森纳球迷):两天都没世界杯可看,这日子太煎熬了…(2 days without the World Cup was hard.)

spacecoast(热刺球迷):和两年没欧冠的滋味相比怎么样?(How about 2 years without Champion League?)

roy99999(巴萨球迷):法兰喜,乌拉归。(Flanghce, Urugone)

MbappesBaps(摩纳哥球迷):瓦拉内的进球简直就像黄油般润滑...当然,还是比不上乌拉圭门将的手滑。(Varane's goal is as smooth as butter, but still less than Uruguay goalkeepper.)

warm_baller(未知主队球迷):还好彪马不是做套套的!他们的球衣简直一撕就开…(Puma should never make condoms, their kit is so easy to tear apart.)

ketoengineer89(巴西球迷):球员踢球怎么都拉拽球衣,那干脆就裸体踢球好了!(Just play naked, no more clothing grabbing.)

BlueHelicopter(法国球迷):那就只能拽丁丁了…(Coming next: penis grabbing.)

waitforitalex(未知主队球迷):当其他球队都在欧洲杯煎熬的时候,法国这一路都在踢美洲杯…(France are playing Copa America while the other teams are playing at the Euro.)

ShenTheWise(未知主队球迷):你要让人去画一幅典型法国人的肖像,那最后画出来的一定是帕瓦尔的模样!(if you ask a anybody to draw a French person, the result will be pavard)

ealuscerwen(阿贾克斯球迷):洛里一定是素食主义者,不然他一定会把那只蜻蜓给吃了…(Lloris is a vegetarian apparently, cause otherwise he would have welcomed that snack.)

Intolia(法国球迷):要不是被蜻蜓侠吻了一口,洛里这球还真不一定能扑出来呢!(Lloris couldn't have made that save without the power of Mr. Dragonfly’s kiss.)

tiki-taka-masala(未知主队球迷):漂亮的扑救!蜻蜓侠一定是把会飞的技能传给洛里了!(What a save! That dragonfly must have transplanted its ability to fly to Lloris)

Tjockman(瑞典球迷):要知道上次有球队实现落后2球的逆转,那还是…这周一的时候…(no team has managed to recover from a two-goal deficit at the knockout stage of a world cup since Monday.)

liam842(未知主队球迷):戈丁真是一名顶级的后卫,甚至都在法国队的禁区里帮忙解围呢!(oh Godin was truly a wonderful defender and still in clearance mode even in France box.)

Ereblp(法国球迷):我们要真有戈丁坐镇后防线,那简直稳得一批…(Can’t be better if Godin defending for us to be honest.)

chrisjdgrady(未知主队球迷):裁判应该接受自己秃顶的现实,还是把头上那几撮头发都剃了吧…(Ref needs to accept he’s bald and shave that head.)

theotheranotherother(日本球迷):裁判头上那几撮勇敢的头发,还是很坚强地梳到了整个头顶上…(those brave strands of hair the ref desperately tries to comb over on top of his head.)

coolylame(曼联球迷):姆巴佩实在太快了,就连队友也跟不上节奏啊…(Mbappe too fast for his teammates lol.)

ThePooh(未知主队球迷):法国换下了姆巴佩,换上了…登贝莱?我的天,他们到底有多少小妖可以上啊?(They switched Mbappe for...Dembele. Wtf is this team ? How many talented players do they have?)

petrichorE6(日本球迷):前几天我还在希望姆巴佩不要昙花一现,今天就发现他已经摔成内马尔了!(A few days ago: I really hope Mbappe doesn't let his fame get to his head. Today: Well, it looks like Neymar’s dive got there first.)

Cupcake-Warrior(索马里球迷):这场比赛就像是你在玩FIFA Online的时候,对手很菜你早早就取得领先,却生怕对手一怒之下就掉线了,希望比赛赶紧结束…(This game is like when you're playing FIFA online and your opponent is shit. But you don't wanna hold the ball or score too much because they'll rage quit and you just wanna finish the game.)

Jake_37r(未知主队球迷):这场比赛踢完了,巴西踢比利时之前的2个小时你打算怎么过?(What will you be doing in these 2 hours until Brazil v Belgium?)

StevieRayV(法国球迷):赶紧来一发冷静一下…(Jerk off to calm down.)

EggplantPoopEmoji(英格兰球迷):博格巴这表现,简直就是主动要求被咬…(Pogba trying to get bitten.)

baddesthombre(墨西哥球迷):我打赌法国人一定是非常好吃的,希望苏牙能抵抗住诱惑…(I bet French are tasty humans. Hope Suarez resists the temptation.)

ReactingPT(葡萄牙球迷):卡瓦尼上不了场,无疑等于给乌拉圭的棺材又上了一颗钉…(getting rid of cavani really placed a nail in uruguay's coffin...)

amh137(巴基斯坦球迷):乌拉圭的战术很明确:传中到禁区,然后等卡瓦尼伤愈回归再顶进头球就可以啦!(Uruguay gameplan: Cross the ball until Cavani somehow comes back to head one in.)

BigCrashLittleChyna(法国球迷):就算是朝鲜研发的洲际导弹,坎特也能拦得住!(Kante could intercept a North Korean ICBM.)

java2412(英格兰球迷):坎特其实已经在法国电视台承认了,自己其实有12个肺!(Kante just admitted having only twelve lungs on French TV.)

envague(曼联球迷):齐祖离开了皇马,C罗要加盟尤文,布冯去了大巴黎,2018年还能更疯狂吗!(Zidane quits Real Madrid, Ronaldo goes to Juventus, and Buffon goes to Paris. 2018 is truly the most crazy year.)

AgnosticMantis(英格兰球迷):德国都小组垫底出局了…(Germany finishing bottom of their group.)

Mercer022(未知主队球迷):英格兰都赢下点球大战了…(England winning a penalty shoot-out.)

丁丁奥古斯托进球,比利时2-1巴西

cake_flattener1(英格兰球迷):齐祖,瓜瓜,马丁内斯,这是光头最闪光的一年!(Zidane, Guardiola, Martinez... this is the year of the bal.)

Haroun04(未知主队球迷):俄罗斯主帅也是光头!还有桑保利,诶,等等…(the Russian manager. also Sampaoli... oh wait.)

skool_101(阿森纳球迷):英超全明星队2-1巴西队。(EPL All-Stars wins 2-1 against Brazil.)

Omegeria(曼联球迷):英格兰和比利时要进决赛就有意思了,简直就是英超全明星的内战…(An England vs Belgium final would be wild, the star players of the premier league vs the all star players of the premier league.)

adaNearPup(加拿大球迷):比利时第一脚射正,就收获2-0的领先了!(First shot on target, two goals. Efficiency.)

Runnerred(南安普顿球迷):巴西明明比比利时进的球更多,怎么还被淘汰了?(crazy how Brazil outscored Belgium and still lost.)

ImGrumps(奥兰多城球迷):比利时的反击,简直就像手术刀一样…(The Belgium counter was surgical.)

oMade4win(波尔图球迷):巴萨应该签下奥古斯托来顶替暴力鸟的位置!(Barcelona to sign Augusto to replace Paulinho.)

honamdoh(比利时球迷):究竟发生了什么?(What is happening?)

akdkofovovk(阿森纳球迷):这是虚拟世界,我们都生活在一个13岁的小孩用PS4玩的FIFA18里!(This is a simulation, we all live in the PS4 of a 13 year old kid playing FIFA 18.)

Timboslice8801(拜仁球迷):巴西还是不能看见黑、红、黄三色条纹啊!(Brazil has a weakness to black, red, and yellow stripes.)

Kontcuk(未知主队球迷):巴西看见了比利时的国旗,瞬间就犯了创伤后应激障碍…(Brazil saw the colors of Belgium flag and having PTSD attacks since then.)

JamesIgnatius27(切尔西球迷):每次看到卢卡库和德布劳内的曼彻斯特连线,切尔西都在默默哭泣…(Every time I watch Lukaku and de Bruyne Manchester connection..... cries in Chelsea.)

Hirohita(未知主队球迷):要知道,现在整条比利时的锋线,本可以都在切尔西踢球…(When you imagine that the entire Belgian attack could have played for Chelsea...)

yaboiChopin(俄罗斯球迷):作为切尔西球迷,每次我都要告诉自己要笑着活下去…(As a Chelsea fan I’m the living embodiment of the “I’m not hurt” meme.)

chdudlow(未知主队球迷):裁判好像已经习惯内马尔“狼来了”的故事了,立马就做出了不判点球的决定…(Haha referee looked absolutely disgusted with Neymar! Waved that penalty away so quickly.)

Shalaiyn(荷兰球迷):这就是我们不来的原因,我们还以为这是2016年欧洲杯呢!(This is why we did not qualify, we thought it was still the UEFA16.)

xiqat(曼联球迷):离开巴萨后,内马尔要摆脱的阴影怎么越来越多了…(Neymar have more and more shadows to chase after leaving Barcelona.)

Folking_Around(未知主队球迷):天呐,巴西怎么能在禁区里不盯防费尔南迪尼奥呢?(C'mon Brazil don't let Fernandinho unmarked like this.)

papyjako89(未知主队球迷):孔帕尼和飞鸟的曼城连线简直太棒了!(Kompany and Fernandinho, City's players helping each other out, this game is RIGGED !)

thoth2(巴萨球迷):下一场比利时死磕法国的时候,作为比利时助教的亨利会作何感想…(Wonder how Thierry Henry will feel trying to beat France in the next match.)

PM_ME_DEAD_KEBAB(法国球迷):比赛第88分钟,比利时2-1领先!突然,德尚要求换人,但他身边却没有人!这时只见亨利脱下夹克,里面竟穿着法国队球衣!亨利上场了,亨利进球啦!(Belgium is up 2-1 at the 88th minute. Suddenly, Deschamps calls for his final sub, but nobody is next to him. Henry rips off his jacket to reveal a France jersey, runs onto the pitch, and scores 2.)

spursyspursy(未知主队球迷):机智的比利时,在中场摆上两个蓬蓬头,这样内马尔就不知道到底是谁在盯防自己了!(Amazing strategy by Belgium to play two tall guys with Afro in the middle so that Neymar's always confused about who's really marking him.)

ntusmartin-s(尤文球迷):正是因为头发少,纳因格兰才没入选国家队啊!(So that's why they didn't bring Nainggolan. That's hair.)

mrdrm1000(切尔西球迷):有了费莱尼、维特塞尔、威廉和马塞洛,这场比赛的平均发量应该是世界杯之最了吧…(Is this the hairiest game of this WC? Fellaini, Witsel, Willian, Marcelo.)

andy18cruz(葡萄牙球迷):巴西在过去3届世界杯里分别被说法语、荷兰语和德语的国家淘汰了,而这三门语言都是比利时的官方语言…(Brazil has been eliminated in the last 3 WC's by countries who speak, respectively, French, Dutch and German. In Belgium all three languages are spoken officially.)

好了,亲爱的小伙伴们,本期的“国外也有段子手”就为大家播报到这了。明天,精彩的世界杯1/4决赛又将上演,让我们拭目以待,来看下期歪果仁们更加精彩的吐槽吧!

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非常抱歉!