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国外也有段子手:是谁勇夺世界杯?

西江月-song 2018-06-11 19:00:06

小伙伴们大家好,欢迎来到每周的“国外也有段子手”!眼看着世界杯日益临近,各支球队也纷纷进行着热身赛。德国、巴西、西班牙、英格兰、葡萄牙等传统强队纷纷取胜,而法国、意大利、荷兰等则遭遇平局。好了,话不多说,让我们快来看看歪果仁们的精彩吐槽吧!

拉师傅黑贝进球,英格兰2-0哥斯达黎加

Melanjoly(曼联球迷):当我老去的时候,我会抱起我的孙子,跟他说起50年前的2018年夏天,拉什福德获得了世界杯金靴。我仍然记得那一年,英格兰队勇夺世界杯!(In 50 years time you'll be telling your gran kids were you where when you watched Rashers win the golden boot and Garth's boys brought it home. Godbless.)

Zakinfenwa(阿森纳球迷):我也不是吹牛逼,最后扛起英格兰赢得世界杯的一定是维尔贝克!(I'm not overreacting or anything but Welbeck is single handedly going to win the World Cup.)

Ghostmanonthirdd(胡尔城球迷):想象一下如果琼斯在世界杯决赛打进制胜头球,那自1966年以来英格兰足坛最具代表性的照片就会是囧斯的大脸了!(Imagine if Jones scores the winning header in the final and the most iconic English footballing photo since 66 is a Jones Face.)

Freshthyme(未知主队球迷):事实上英格兰队自从1966年世界杯夺冠后,在世界杯淘汰赛上也就只赢过5场比赛…(Actually England have only won 5 games in the World Cup knockout stages since 1966.)

Fisherpriceman(英格兰球迷):那是你没加上欧洲杯!不然我们就能赢…6场了!(Even worse, if you include the European Championships too it's 6. Spain in '96 is the only one.)

(图):英格兰和茶叶包的区别是什么?

Wyetye(利物浦球迷):虽然威尔士只参加过1次欧洲杯,但威尔士在欧洲杯淘汰赛上赢球的次数已经超过英格兰了…(Wales have won more knockout games than England at the Euro's. Wales have only been to the Euro's once.)

Niclef(比利时球迷):这特么竟然是真的…2016年前的欧洲杯参赛队伍较少,小组出线就是8强,英格兰只在1/4决赛里赢过1次;2016年小组出线是16强,威尔士赢了2场淘汰赛…(that seems to be the case. There were less teams until 2016 so you directly went to the QF once you got out of the group. In the entire history of the euro's England has thus won only 1 knockout game while Wales have won 2.)

(图):这是曾身披英格兰战袍最强的3位球员

An_Eloquent_Turtle(英格兰球迷):为什么你们还给我点希望?与其最后希望破灭,不如开始一点希望都不给…(Why do they give me hope every time? Just be shit and don't cause me pain.)

Chegism(赫里福德球迷):我们是反向德国队!(Reverse Germany.

内少库鸟热苏斯进球,巴西3-0奥地利

CorpSmokingArea(英格兰球迷):内马尔的进球,让解说员好像突然中风了一样…(Neymar made the commentator have a stroke.)

Thricey(奥兰多城球迷):这解说员发出的声音,和我第一次被妹子摸丁丁时发出的声音差不多…(Commentator made the same noise I did when a girl touched my penis for the first time.)

Takkotah(阿斯顿维拉球迷):奥地利后卫安息吧,你们永远活在我们心中…至少以后在各大足球精彩视频里,你们都会作为背景板出现的…(rest in peace defender, you wont be forgotten... in fact you'll be a highlight in a special effects football sniper compilations on youtube)

ShenTheWise(未知主队球迷):巴西队其实征召了胡尔克,只是他的屁股太大而卡在飞机座位上了…(Is it true that Hulk was called but his butt wouldn't fit in the plane?)

重在练兵,意大利1-1荷兰

RecentCode(那不勒斯球迷):看了这场比赛,我觉得两队都不进世界杯还是挺合理的…(It sort of makes sense why these two countries aren’t going to the WC.)

Ifeelfeelss(阿贾克斯球迷):我觉得星期天去踢的野球都比这场XJBT的比赛有意思多了…(I'm almost certain that my own Sunday league matches have higher entertainment value than this absolute dreadful match.)

SparksMKII(费耶诺德球迷):现在我们最好的球员,依然是巴萨的二门…(So our best player is still Barca's reserve goalkeeper it seems.)

Flatsh(费耶诺德球迷):胡说!今天我们的全场最佳绝对是边裁!(No, that linesman is our best player today.)

Halfzes(阿贾克斯球迷):这场获胜的就可以去世界杯了吧?(Winner goes to the world cup, right?)

Vegoran(AC米兰球迷):荷兰这究竟是有多差,竟能衬托着我们还踢得不错…(Netherlands so bad they're making us kinda look good.)

RecentCode(那不勒斯球迷):竟然还有一支强队比我们踢得更差…(Wow there is a top team that’s shittier than us.)

Flatsh(费耶诺德球迷):啊大家快来看,这里有人叫我们强队!(Hey everyone, he called us top team!)

握手言和,法国1-1美国

Cityforlife(纽约城球迷):我们踢加勒比球队都进不了球,结果竟然能射穿德国和法国的大门…(We can't score on CONCACAF teams but have goals against Germany and France what a troll.)

FunkyChug(美国球迷):就这表现,我们赢世界杯有点悬啊!(OUR WORLD CUP IS NOW IN JEOPARDY.)

Next_Day_Delivery(奥兰多球迷):一次头部碰撞,大帅逼吉鲁的脸怎么就变成里贝里了…(How Giroud could go from a handsome cunt to a face like Ribery in one easy head clash.)

TheMexicanAvatar(墨西哥球迷):美国在友谊赛真是能击败任何球队,在正式比赛却连特立尼达和多巴哥都踢不过…(USA in friendlies can beat any team in the world. USA in competitive matches can be beaten by Trinidad Tobago.)

Mr_Miscellaneous(格拉斯哥流浪者球迷):法国整整花了78分钟的时间,来让自己看起来就像英格兰一样…(France spent the first 78 mins doing their best England impression.)

顺利取胜,西班牙1-0突尼斯

TheSerialBettor(未知主队球迷):现在好像所有强队都故意进入了“德国模式”,热身赛都踢成了一坨翔!(I think all top teams are trying out the 'Germany method' this year. Play like shit before the tournament.)

Boitrde123(英格兰球迷):胡说,我们英格兰就一直在赢球啊?诶,等等…(Nope, we always win. Oh, wait…)

友谊赛终于赢球,德国2-1沙特

Tvei(德国球迷):在世预赛结束后,德国队5场比赛3平2负,直到现在才勉强击败了沙特…(Ever since WC qualifiers ended, we went DDDLL and now barely winning against Saudi Arabia.)

Mr_Lich12(沙特球迷):这次没又输个0-8,我已经很知足了…(It wasn't 8-0 I am happy.)

Tyrath(德国球迷):罗伊斯和维尔纳的连线,美妙得就像春梦一般…(Reus and Werner connection is the stuff of wet dreams.)

Footysocc(德国球迷):球进得漂亮,现在能不能先把罗伊斯换下来…(Beautiful goal. Now, can we sub off Reus? K, thx.)

(图):迪亚比医生表示很赞

轻松愉快,葡萄牙3-0阿尔及利亚

Bluebuttstuff(波尔图球迷):世界杯快来,我的大奖杯已经饥渴难耐!(I have an erection for the upcoming world cup.)

icajpff99(本菲卡球迷):现在格德斯真是堪称葡萄牙C罗!(Now we can call Gonçalo Guedes the portuguese Ronaldo)   

Rerel(巴黎球迷):好了巴伦西亚,想买格德斯得花2.2亿欧元才行!(Alright he is now worth 220 million euros Valencia.)

好了,亲爱的小伙伴们,本期的“国外也有段子手”就为大家播报到这里了。本周,精彩的世界杯赛事即将到来,让我们下期不见不散!

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非常抱歉!