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国外也有段子手:库鸟的位置谁来补?

西江月-song 2018-01-08 19:00:03

小伙伴们大家好,欢迎来到本期的“国外也有段子手”。过去的一周里,国际足坛精彩看点层出不穷,库蒂尼奥加盟巴塞罗那,范戴克则迅速融入了利物浦。足总杯和联赛赛场,也是看点多多。巴萨曼城等球队依旧一骑绝尘,皇马遭遇平局,而阿森纳则意外被淘汰出足总杯。好了,话不多说,让我们快来看看歪果仁们的精彩吐槽吧!

范戴克首秀献绝杀,利物浦2-1埃弗顿

Grympy(利物浦球迷):鸟飞何所惧,吾有范带橘!(Coutinho has gone? That’s fine since we have Van Dad.)

MoMosMo(利物浦球迷):2018年,范戴克已经进球了,而库鸟却颗粒无收!(GOALS IN 2018: VAN DIJK 1. COUTINHO 0.)

Pacemet(阿森纳球迷):范戴克就是对库鸟位置最好的补充!(van dijk is just the Coutinho replacement!)

Chokyx(利物浦球迷):克拉万上场比赛进了球,这次范戴克也进了,下场估计该轮到米尼奥莱了吧…(Klavan scoring last week, Van Dijk now. next time it would be Mignolet.)

梅西苏神暴力鸟进球,巴萨3-0莱万特

w5hy4r(皇马球迷):难以想象一个来自中超的29岁球员,本赛季在西甲的进球数竟然比C罗和本泽马加起来还多…(imagine make 29 y/o chinese league player have more league goals than than Ronaldo and Benzema combined.)

MajesticPlatypus(阿森纳球迷):库鸟悲催地发现,他在巴萨连最好的巴西中场都不是…(peak on coutinho when he isnt even the best brazillian in the barca midfield.)

JanioPerez(巴萨球迷):明明是别人进球(指梅西助攻暴力鸟),你发现解说员却都在呼喊梅西的名字,这也许就是真的大佬吧…(You see how good Messi really is when someone else scores a goal and the announcer can only say his name.)

Othersideg(巴萨球迷):你要知道苏神是绝不食嗟来之饼的,这个大美逼只愿意进那些超高难度的进球!(Trust Suarez to fuck up the simple chances, but then this beautiful cunt would shot a volley in out of nothing.)

终于官宣!库蒂尼奥加盟巴萨

lNoComply(尤文球迷):这可是冬窗有史以来最大的交易了!要知道之前最大的交易,那还是…上周的范戴克…(biggest january transfer ever. Last biggest was...Virgil Van Dijk to Liverpool last week.)

seanew1sh(切尔西球迷):想象一下在2028年,尤文花了6亿从苏格兰签了个16岁的小妖,…(Imagine in the year 2028, a 16 year-old guy moves from Scottland to Juventus for £600m.)

Sdub4(未知主队球迷):1.42亿啊,这对南安普顿来说可真是一笔巨款了!(£142m goes a long way in Southampton.)

Javardo6(波尔图球迷):南安普顿专供利物浦,而利物浦专供巴塞罗那吧…(southampton feeder club for liverpool, liverpool feeder club for Barcelona)

15LCFC16(莱斯特城球迷):库鸟会是1989年以来,第一位赛季初在利物浦踢球,然后赛季末举起联赛冠军奖杯的球员么?(will Coutinho be the first player to start a season with Liverpool and win the league title since the 89/90 season?)

Mistekkrhic(未知主队球迷):不是的,其实小马哥转会巴萨那个赛季,也是在利物浦先踢了一场比赛,然后赛季末跟巴萨夺冠了…(False. Mascherano played one game for Pool the season he went to Barca where he won the league.)

遭遇平局,皇马2-2塞尔塔

Pringles(皇马球迷):每当想到皇马,大多数皇马球迷还是会心一笑的…因为它现在就是个笑话…(Most of Madrid fan may smile when thinking of Real Madrid now, because it is totally a joke.)

(图):各支球队的噩梦都是什么呢?

stalkerSRB(巴基斯坦球迷):皇马从去年10月14号以来,还没在客场赢过球呢…(Real Madrid not won away in La Liga since Oct 14.)

ed1111(皇马球迷):忘了巴萨吧,感觉现在能不能追的上巴伦西亚和马竞都很难说…(Forget Barca, seems like chasing Valencia and Atletico is not going to be easy…

足总杯遭淘汰,阿森纳2-4诺丁汉森林

Arbiter_7(阿森纳球迷):如果我不是我厂球迷的话,看阿森纳的比赛应该就会觉得非常好笑了吧…(I feel like Arsenal matches would be so much more fun to watch if I wasn't an Arsenal supporter.)

Almost_Pi(利物浦球迷):谢谢你阿森纳,至少你让我在90分钟里忘记的失去库鸟的烦恼…(Thank you Arsenal, you made me forget about Coutinho for 90 minutes.)

Xwarsama(未知主队球迷):沃尔科特现在应该是B队球员里拿的薪水最多的了吧…(Theo Walcott has got to be the best paid B-team player I've ever seen.)

(图):不同类型头痛的痛觉部位图

莫拉塔屡失单刀,阿森纳2-2切尔西

MrSantaClause(切尔西球迷):伟大的切尔西9号,莫拉塔继承了切尔西的光荣的传统!托雷斯、法尔考在这一刻灵魂附体!在这一刻,他不是一个人在战斗!(Morata was just showing his respect to Torres and Falcao, it was our tradition for number 9.)

Ibraddadi(切尔西球迷):才不是呢,托雷斯只不过是空门不进而已,他绝不会踢丢这么多单刀的!(No, Torres would miss an empty goal but never a 1v1)

DelverOfSeacrest(美国球迷):我很想知道阿森纳的后卫们是买的多贵的球票,竟然能在这么好的位置看球!(Arsenal's defenders should have bought tickets with how much they're watching the game in such a good position.)

skywardsword596(阿森纳球迷):切尔西的全场最佳阿森纳中卫,而阿森纳的全场最佳是莫拉塔!(Chelsea MOTM: Arsenal CBs. Arsenal MOTM: Morata)

smala01(未知主队球迷):去年夏天英超的两个重量级引援都发挥不错啊,卢卡库为曼城奉献了多次关键助攻,而莫拉塔则展现出了一名顶级后卫的解围水平!(Two big signs last summer in PL both have a good performance now. Lukaku has made many chances for Man city and Morata has proved to be a decent cleaner.)

jr9810(切尔西球迷):就莫拉塔这射术,他媳妇儿是怎么怀孕的…(how the fuck did moratas wife get pregnant.)

jrhone222(伯恩利球迷):也许他用的是头球吧…(Maybe he gave his wife a head.)

(注:此处双关,give a head当然可以指头球,但它也有个不可描述的意思,对英语感兴趣的同学可以查一查哦!)

esDelverOfSeacres(美国球迷):莫拉塔可以在球门前趴下,然后用头把球蹭进去啊!(Shoulda got down on the ground and tried to head it in.)

Jackalope117(热刺球迷):其实也可以把头移植到脚上…(Morata should implant heads on his feet.)

(图):好像没什么不对...

逆转取胜,曼城4-1伯恩利

KnightsOfCidona(英格兰球迷):曼城只是在警告别人,对我先进球的后果是很严重的!(Man City sending out a strong warning to anyone who dare score ahead them)

badass_guts(未知主队球迷):丁丁的传球,看得我都性高潮了…(That pass by De Bruyne made me orgasm.)

ImRBJ(曼城球迷):京多安的脚后跟传球还让我怀孕了呢!(Gundogan’s backheel pass made me pregnant.)

好了,亲爱的小伙伴们,本期的“国外也有段子手”就为大家播报到这了,让我们下期不见不散!

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非常抱歉!