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国外也有段子手:选择路易斯还是穆斯塔菲?

西江月-song 2019-09-16 20:46:09

小伙伴们大家好,欢迎来到本期的“国外也有段子手”!上周的国际赛场精彩看点层出不穷,曼城意外输给诺维奇,利物浦继续取胜领跑,巴萨、皇马、切尔西等球队也都顺利取胜,而阿森纳、拜仁和马竞等球队则纷纷丢分。好了,话不多说,让我们快来看看歪果仁们精彩吐槽吧!

领先两球遭扳平,阿森纳2-2沃特福德

Cheetos4You(阿森纳球迷):我的人生本来有很多选择,可我却选择了当阿森纳球迷。(i had one chance at life and I became an Arsenal fan.)

VasiliiZaytsev(阿森纳球迷):大卫-路易斯这是要让我们丢多少分?要不还是让穆斯塔菲首发吧…(How many points is Luiz going to cost us this season? Might as well just go back to starting Mustafi.)

NB0608sd(切尔西球迷):嫌疑犯路易斯的献身。(Secret agent Luiz.)

MountainJuice(阿森纳球迷):还有那么多的阿森纳球迷喜欢扎卡,这一定是斯德哥尔摩综合征的最大患者群体了。(Plenty of Arsenal fans rate Xhaka. Must be a collective form of Stockholm syndrome.)

PrincipledInelegance(利物浦球迷):阿森纳就像是2017年的利物浦一样:面对中下游球队早早就取得领先,对方高空轰炸的时候就开始龟缩防守,结果最后被对方一年都进不了球的弱鸡球员给扳平了…(Arsenal feels like watching 2017 Liverpool. Get into a comfortable lead away at a bottom-half team. Start defending as if air raid sirens are going off. Concede an equaliser to a player with shit hair who hasn't scored in about a year.)

intecknicolour (利物浦球迷):总结起来就是法拉利的锋线、雷诺的中场、拉达汽车的防守…就像我们以前一样。(basically ferrari attack, renault midfield, lada defence. like we used to be.)

ExcellentFinMoSalah1(利物浦球迷):阿森纳让德乌洛费乌看起来就像08年的C罗一样了…(Arsenal have made Deulofeu look like 2008 Cristiano Ronaldo here.)

Idontlikethisstuff(阿森纳球迷):就算我们上了10个后卫再加上莱诺,估计还是守不住一场零封…(We could with play 10 defenders and Leno and we still wouldn't keep a clean sheet.)

Sageadam(未知主队球迷):如果可以的话,阿森纳这场比赛应该得负分。(Arsenal deserves negative points from this game if it's possible.)

德容法蒂苏神进球,巴萨5-2瓦伦西亚

Keithohara(切尔西球迷):16岁就在诺坎普进球了?这剧本以前好像看过耶!(16 year old scores at Camp Nou? i've seen this before.)

ragdoll96(巴萨球迷):等他19岁踢皇马的时候,让我们看看接下来会发生什么。(We'll find out when he's 19 and plays a game vs Real Madrid.)

Michealson12(切尔西球迷):现在我还在为考试优秀而努力,而16岁的法蒂已经为巴萨进球了…不过我觉得自己的生活也挺有意义的。(While I’m studying for my A-levels, this 16 year old is out here scoring goals for Barcelona. Still think I’m living the life to be honest.)

MarcSlayton(利物浦球迷):内马尔已经改变想回归巴萨的想法了,因为他不愿意生活在法蒂的阴影之下!(Neymar has apparently changed his mind about returning to Barca. He doesn't want to be overshadowed by Fati.)

Sempelle(皇马球迷):要是法蒂真成了巴萨另一个梅西,我特么就再也不看足球了!(If they found another Messi in this fati I am fucking done with this sport.)

flae99(皇马球迷):亲爱的巴萨,可不可以在我们丢分的时候你也输球,就像我们上赛季对你们做的那样好么?爱你的皇马。(Dear Barca, Kindly drop points after all those times we dropped points for you last season. Much love, Real Madrid.)

Lokeshj(巴萨球迷):我都快忘了对面门将是西莱森了,对他进这么多球让我有点伤心…(Totally forgot that was Cillesen. Makes me a bit sad now to score so many against him.)

GreatGIL(未知主队球迷):皮克还没退役呢,拜仁球迷竟然还敢号称莱万是第一前锋?(Bayern fans still trying to claim Lewa is the best striker in the world when Pique is still playing?)

Artuhanzo(巴萨球迷):当然,就只算为拜仁进球的前锋里也是皮克最强!(Yes, best striker scored for Bayern too...)

逆转取胜,利物浦3-1纽卡斯尔

Giddycocks(本菲卡球迷):每次镜头拍到菲尔米诺的大牙,我就得把屏幕的亮度调低才行。(had to put my screen brightness down after that shot of Firminos teeth.)

Pingreen(利物浦球迷):菲尔米诺那如丝般顺滑的传球都能渗透到第51区!(Firmino could infiltrate Area 51 with a silky pass.)

GuyFawkes_fieri(利物浦球迷):我想看看这场比赛范戴克在对方禁区和在我们禁区的总时间对比…(I’d like to see a stat on how long Virgil has been in Newcastle’s box compared to our half.)

zagreus9(未知主队球迷):上次利物浦在英超主场输球的时候,萨拉赫还在罗马踢球呢!(Last time Liverpool lost at Anfield in the league Salah still played for Roma.)

Sidaeinjae(韩国球迷):这赛季利物浦和曼城的争冠大战又有看头了!(It'll be fun to see Liverpool and City duke it out again this season.)

Darkspy8183(利物浦球迷):明明是利物浦VS诺维奇好吧!(Fuck that, Liverpool v Norwich.)

意外输球,曼城2-3诺维奇

Cosy4eva(未知主队球迷):这是诺维奇为感谢利物浦卖掉苏亚雷斯而送上的贺礼!(This is Norwich's way of thanking Liverpool for letting Suarez leave.)

chess-gets-girls(诺维奇球迷):我是诺维奇球迷,我老爹是利物浦球迷,我的中间名就叫“安菲尔德”,现在我真的想哭!(I'm a Norwich fan with a Liverpool dad, my middle name is literally Anfield. I feel like crying.)

Umbricon(未知主队球迷):奥塔门迪,欢迎加盟贝西克塔斯!(Nicolas Otamendi, welcome to Besiktas.)

CreeperDude17(波特兰伐木者球迷):克鲁尔以后再去利物浦喝酒的时候,估计一分钱都不用付了!(Krul shouldn’t have to pay for a pint in Liverpool ever again.)

Darvos83(阿斯顿维拉球迷):英冠冠军战胜了英超冠军,看来英冠才是英格兰的第一联赛!(Champions of the Championship beat the champions of the Premier League. Championship is the best league in England confirmed.)

3359N(未知主队球迷):我还挺希望曼城在补时最后踢进扳平的一球,然后再被VAR给取消掉…(Was really hoping for a City injury time equaliser ruled out through VAR but I suppose this'll do.)

Capicolasalami(曼联球迷):今夜我们都是诺维奇球迷!(We are all norwich fans on this blessed day.)

MoBiano2(未知主队球迷):那曼城和利物浦,你想选哪个当联赛冠军呢?(So what’s your choice between city and Liverpool to lift the title?)

PixHitch(未知主队球迷):曼城要加入阿森纳、热刺、曼联和切尔西的争四大军啦!(City has joined the Arsenal, Spurs, ManU and Chelsea top 4 battle.)

Rocketteman(纽卡斯尔球迷):我知道曼城的平均身高不突出,但让斯特林和阿圭罗去防守角球是不是有点…(I know Man City aren't the tallest team, but should Sterling and Aguero really be on the front post at corners?)

本泽马梅开,皇马3-2莱万特

notfromrussia123(皇马球迷):本泽马和J罗给力的表现,仿佛让我回到了2015年,只是队里的一位葡萄牙球员不在了。(With Benz and James playing well i almost feel like its 2015. There is just a certain Portuguese missing.)

Bolah(皇马球迷):算上今晚的助攻,J罗这赛季的助攻数已经和伊斯科上赛季总数持平了!(With this assist James has already given as many assists as Isco last season.)

feedmekn0wledge(未知主队球迷):本泽马和贝尔受到这么多非议,结果现在却是队里仅有的得分突破点…(funny how Benzema and Bale get so much shit yet they're the only 2 goal scoring threats in the team.)

GoodSamaritan_(塞维利亚球迷):哈哈,莱万特的两粒进球竟然都是皇马青训打进的…(Both of Levante's goals were from Real Madrid academy products lol.)

拉什福德进球,曼联1-0莱斯特城

Thefacelessvoice(曼联球迷):我们是不是已经平了去年零封场次的纪录了?(Matched our clean sheet record from last season?)

redemption_time(尤文球迷):当曼联踢莱斯特城的时候,老舒梅切尔到底该支持哪一边呢?(Who does Peter Schmeichel support when United and Leicester play?)

亚伯拉罕戴帽,切尔西5-2狼队

gapim97(切尔西球迷):亚伯拉罕是我车继德罗巴之后的最强9号!(Tammy is the 9 we were waiting since Drogba.)

dunneetiger(切尔西球迷):德罗巴穿的不是9号啊…(Drogba was never 9...)

SinisterZzz(切尔西球迷):快来人打我一拳!让我确认下自己是不是在做梦…(Someone please pinch me dont know if i am awake.)

roryking97(切尔西球迷):看着这些青训小将们的精彩表现,我笑的就像一位骄傲的父亲一样。(I feel like a proud dad watching these academy boys show up for us.)

WateryIcedCoffee(未知主队球迷):现在兰帕德就是我爹!(Lampard is my dad now.)

Dunneetiger(切尔西球迷):若日尼奥给狼队的传球真不错,就像是在为狼队踢球一样呢!(Jorginho has been passing to Wolves like he plays for them...)


厄德高进球,马竞0-2皇家社会

R_Chambers(曼联球迷):皇家马德里送来问候。(real madrid send their regards.)

Mandragora1234(未知主队球迷):所以今年是没人想赢西甲冠军了?(So no one wants to win La Liga this year?)

莱万进球,拜仁1-1RB莱比锡

BestSingedHawa(拜仁球迷):1-1那就是多特赢了。(1-1 and Dortmund wins.)

Lbjdaking(拜仁球迷):在得势不得分这方面,拜仁可以写一本畅销书了。(Bayern could write a bestseller book about giving away comfortable games.)

Bric-dA-K1nG(未知主队球迷):那书的男主角得是蒂亚戈吧!(With Thiago as the protagonist.)

好了,亲爱的小伙伴们,本期的“国外也有段子手”就为大家播报到这了。本周,精彩的欧冠赛事即将开战,让我们拭目以待,来看下期更加精彩的歪果仁吐槽吧!

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非常抱歉!